The Mother in Family Constellations – María Martínez Calderón

Now it is about the mother, yes mother; the lady that not only gave you life, but is also a woman, a wife, a divorcee or single mother, a professional, a housewife…and most likely a lot more. The woman that you demand to be perfect, to protect you, to solve all your problems, that shouldn’t get angry, that has the food ready, that has to listen to you, and only in the way that you want her to.

The woman that, the majority of times, you don’t agree with how she does or says things, that you judge verbally and mentally.

Yes, the woman that you need to be perfect, but not too perfect, because if she’s too perfect you worry you won’t be able to live up to her… All in all, yes, it’s complicated for mum to be the perfect model who you can mirror without feeling threatened, because you are reflected in her, because 50% of you is from her, because if she’s not well, you’re also not well.

Yes, that woman that you love above all else but can’t acknowledge. Whom it is difficult to hug and agree with, because it hurts to think that perhaps you don’t love her, or if you love her too much surely one day she will abandon you, at least when she dies, and that makes you feel the uncomfortable feeling that maybe you didn’t love her enough.

Your Mother loves you

Don’t worry, she does love you and she loves you more than she is able to recognize, even if her love for you is masked by her own wounds. And when something triggers her infant or adolescent trauma, then the witch appears, angry and cruel, who creates dependency if she was abandoned, who is withdrawn if she was rejected, who is submissive if she was humiliated, who is controlling if she was betrayed, who is rigid if she was treated unjustly.

But beyond what mother is, there exists a very strong and profound connection that binds you to that woman in such a way that if she leaves, something leaves with her.

When we are born, the mere reason that we have been inside her and implicit in the birth, creates a bond that gives us a feeling of belonging, as a survival strategy.

This is why you need her, maybe now she is already dead, or ill or old, it doesn’t matter, with every fiber of her being she is your mother, that woman who gave you life, that woman that you share DNA with, that woman that one day met your father and together undertook the journey of bringing a new life into the world. Maybe it was a conscious decision, or maybe it came from something bigger and you slipped through and obtained a body so that your soul could have a human experience

Whatever the case may be, you are here, and she is your mother.

Bert Hellinger said that healing the mother is the key to ensuring that everything in your life flows lighter.


María Martínez Calderón
Annual training in Family Çonstellations


The annual training in family constellations with María Martínez Calderón starts in Ibiza in January. These are the 11 training units:

  • Introduction to family constellations
  • Transgenerational, the history that shapes us
  • The mother and the connection with life
  • The father, the exit door to the world
  • The couple, two different systems, one common project
  • The children, life opening passage
  • Grandparents, four pillars to heal, emerge and take the gifts of life
  • Numerology & family constellations
  • Me appointed, one name, one destiny
  • The commands of abundance, say YES to life
  • Sexuality, recognising oneself in the pleasure of the encounter


Giovanna coordinates the training:
+34 622 345 889

Contact us if you also want to do your family constellation


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